All or Nothing

I'm going through a very rough time right now. I guess I wouldn't be blogging so much if I wasn't. When things are good, people just generally complain less. I'm mad about a lot of things. I suppose life would just be easier if I didn't care and was numb to it all. I've been sad that some of my friendships are dwindling. The fact that M's now engaged is a bit strange for me. I haven't yet figured out why. And then there's the fact that my friendship with H just isn't the same as it used to be. It's very disappointing and I feel helpless about the situation.

I like to think of myself as a people person, but what that also means is that I need people. I depend on people for emotional support. When they're not there, I'm quick to feel betrayed. I'm very much all or nothing. Again - something I should change, I'm sure.

At what point is enough, enough? When should I give up and just take it as it is? My strengths are my weaknesses. As my roomies tell me, I'm stubborn. I fight the fight. When do good qualities become bad qualities? I guess when they become destructive. I've been trying to change the way I handle things, pick my battles, swallow my pride, let things roll off my back. And from today on, I'll try even harder.

H and K get along so well because they're each other's halves. Where one's weak, the other is strong. K and I are like two peas from two separate pods. We're alike in that we're both peas, but we just won't fit in the same pod quite right. H and I - Well, I don't know what we're like. But I'm beginning to realize maybe we don't mesh as well as I thought...but that's okay too. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, right?

But it's just so nice when it's all.