Second Place

Well, this is new for me. I have two private blogs so I can rant and rave without worrying about people criticizing me or knowing that I'm really just a nut. Tonight, I thought I should begin a public blog, because maybe I need some criticism.

My brother came home again. I think he's been back four times in less than three weeks. He has another interview on Monday, and he's already gotten an offer from a big firm. My mom said, "You must be jealous." How should have I responded to that. I told her I wasn't jealous, I was envious. Jealousy has underlined hatred, whereas envy is just...damn, I wish it was me. I hated her for even making that statement. In the Kim family, my brother is God, and Everybody Loves Raymond. I'm...I'm in second place.

Second place means that I'm not a total loser, but I'll never be the winner. Second place means no matter what I achieve, I'll still be a step behind my brother. I've been good this year. I've began to accept my place, but it's so archaic that it pisses me off. Granted, from this one entry, no one will be able to understand this second place business. I've been told not to compare, but it's hard when family keeps comparing me. My goal is just plain and simple - equality...in every aspect of life.

My motto has always been. just because I don't have a penis doesn't make me any less of a person than if I did. So as I sit here, trying to accept my place, I keep on trying to beat him. I'm preparing to compete for mock trial, still wondering about transferring schools, and constantly searching for a summer position all so I can be the winner...

Something so simple is never really that simple.