Take a Breath

We fought again today. K and I just don't see eye to eye on almost everything. I couldn't sleep last night. This afternoon, I was just so exhausted from arguing that I slept for almost 2 hours. I once heard it's a lot harder to hate than it is to like. It's a lot harder to be angry than it is just to accept. So I've come to accepting what is. K and H just won't let me. K keeps asking me to fix it. Fix what, I ask! What is there left to fix. We're just different people and maybe we just weren't meant to be close friends.

I spoke with Myra and my mom today. They made me feel better. Made me realize that I have people that care about me. My mom drives me nuts sometimes when she makes me feel like I'm not good enough. That is something I need to deal with in myself. For the most part, I love the relationship I have with my mom. We are alike in so many ways, and I love that. She's just as much as an emotional freak as I am...

I keep coming back to "maybe it's me." It is me. I think it's right for me to defend myself, stand up for what I believe is right, and not let people run me over. I spoke with V this afternoon, after me and K argued again. V gets me and I get her...only because we're two highly emotional people that try to fix everything that's wrong in our lives. V told me something I already knew. No matter how bad the situation, it all comes down to how I let it effect me. Danny says the same...everyone tells me the same. I've been growing thicker skin over the semester, but it just wasn'tthick enough to sheild me from this.

It's not hopeless, you see. I just need to make my stand. I'll be polite. I'll be a good roommate. I will not let myself get hurt again. My skin just needs to become twice as thick from this point on. No other way around it. But as for friendships, it depends on one thing. I only ask one thing. An apology.