The Thread

I feel like I'm hanging on to the end of a very thin thread. I'm on week 3 of school and already I'm falling behind. It's just impossible to take 6 law school classes and work part-time without losing some sanity. I came back from SF tonight. It was a last minute trip that cost me $250 just for the plane ticket. The smartest $250 I spent. This was all because my dad refused to let Danny come over as planned. I didn't cry over it...that was fine. It gave me an excuse to get out of the hell hole.

And now my mom understands that I truly hate the man and will probably hate him for the rest of my life. All this time I trying so hard to "make things work out," hoping he would one day be a real dad. My lesson is that you can't change a alcoholic, depressed old man that constantly feels sorry for himself, and yet thinks he's a God's gift to mankind...or just his suffering family. And while there are reasons why he is the way he is, reasons are really not excuses, regardless of how hard we try to hold them up to be.

I can't stand to look at him. I get angry and my heart drops at the same time. As I've said numerous times now, it's over, it's done. When I came home, I said hello to my dad, per my mom's desperate request. What did he say? "Look how you've troubled your mom in having to pick you up from the airport. Who do you think you are?"

While I was outside, hanging some of my jeans that can't be dried in the dryer, he was also walking towards the same area with an empty wine bottle in his hand. He had toc ross me to get to the recyling bin we have. He said, "When you see me coming, don't stand in my way!" Ahh the crazy man thinks he's a king. Just two minutes after, as I was walking upstairs to my room, he said, "Look at how fat your thighs are. It's disgusting."

Two weeks, Stella. Two weeks. A and I found a new apartment, not the one we had originally planned on moving into. This one isn't a new, but it's closer to school and a lot more quiet. I am truly looking forward to regaining my sanity, but for now, I'm praying this thread doesn't break.