it's over.

One week after the Bar, I'm still having bar-related dreams. I left that Thursday feeling pretty bad about my performance. The last essays were crim pro/con law, torts products liability, and community property. I think I did decent on the first two; although, I could have done better on the torts. I think my answer was all over the place. It's the community property essay that got me.

I had a feeling I would get a community property question so I studied my outline after I came back to the hotel room on the first two days. Thing is, I covered all the wrong stuff. I was sure there would be a question about the time rule, how to calculate community portions, Lucas and anti-Lucas, Van Camp and Pereira....but no. It was SO simple that it was hard. There were only four quick questions about simple rules concerning a education loan obtained during the marriage, a law degree earned during the marriage, good will at the law firm, and alimony payments made with CP for a first marriage.

Let me just put it this way - I was done with the essay in 15 minutes. I had a good 45 minutes to sit there and ponder. I had so much time that I went back to the first two questions, but nothing good came out of it because I was so nervous about the fact that I couldn't do the community property question. I simply didn't know the rules.

I cried at lunch break. Took a good breather, and came back for the performance exam, which I had completely screwed up. It was a fact analysis letter; I didn't practice those. I knew what to do, but my answer was all over the place. It was organized so poorly.

With that, I left Ontario in tears. The next few days were so strange. It felt like I had no purpose. After sitting on my butt all day for almost three months, it felt odd to actually have time to do things. I moved out of my apartment. It took the entire weekend, plus a couple days to clean. Then I spend a few days with my grandma...the cutest grandma to ever live.

I'm slowly letting go of the Bar exam disaster. I've realized that I'll most likely have to take the exam in February. I think the hardest part will not be the studying, but having to endure to humiliation of not passing. I hate the fact that people can just type your name into the Cal Bar website to see if you passed.

But now...now I'm happy. Last night I flew up to SF, had dinner with friends. I'm sitting in Danny's room, and it feels so surreal. I've been waiting all summer to get back here. I've been waiting 3 years to finish law school and start my life again.

I have a wedding to go to today and next Saturday. I have nothing to do this entire week. Life really couldn't get any better than this. My gosh, it's the first time in my entire life where I don't really have a plan. I get to make it up as I go along. This is as simple as it's gonna get.