Less than a day away. Tomorrow evening, I'll finally know if I passed. There's only one person who truly believes I passed, and that's my Mr. O. Yesterday, he looked right into my eyes and said I passed so there's nothing else to worry about.
I woke up at 3:50am last night, all of sudden. No reason, just woke up. The Bar exam has really did a number on me. No one else and nothing else can make a person go this nuts in such a short period of time. You know what I'm really looking forward to? I can't wait until I can finally stop blogging about the Bar. Really...I don't want to complain about it anymore, sick of writing how loopy I've become.
Well...putting that aside, I asked L and Y to be my bridesmaids. I took them out to brunch at Towns End. It was very yum, I loved their bread basket full of fresh muffins and scones. Then, I gave them a handmade invitation with a Starbucks giftcard in it. I asked if they would be my bridesmaid, and if yes, they'll be needing some caffeine in the next 9 months. I think they loved it. So two down...one to go. I'm having a tough time deciding on my last BM. It really shouldn't be this hard.
I've decided not to have a maid of honor for several reasons. I don't think I have a best friend. Unfortunate, but that's the way it goes. For some reason, I have people running in and out of my life (as you all know), and I breakup with friends like women breakup with boyfriends. Exhibit 1 - my issues with A at the moment. I can't really explain it either, but that's the way it is.
The wedding is set and the pieces are coming together. I have an appointment in LA next week with a potential photographer. It may cost me money to fly the guy up, rather than finding a local SF photographer. It turns out I get more bang for the buck. Ha.
On a side note...we're driving back home for Thanksgiving on Monday. It will either be the greatest or the worst Thanksgiving. My family is still in WWIII. It's been over 3 years now. The adults are acting like children, and me, being the selfish person I am, can't stop wondering how it will affect my wedding. They can't even be in the same room together.
I've also been going to church on a regular basis, which has brought me a very sudden sense of calm...at least on Sundays. Mr. O isn't really big on it, but he's very sweet and comes along even though he has no idea what's going on. I'm trying to strengthen my spiritual side, not necessarily turning religious. I like to meditate at home when I get all stressed out about Bar results. I sit and breathe, then picture good things that I hope for myself in life. Surprisingly, it helps keep me grounded for the day.
I really hope tomorrow turns out how I'd like. If it doesn't, I honestly think I'm strong enough to eventually move forward to do what I need to do. I do believe things will work out for the best, but I just don't want to be that girl that didn't pass...the person that people are buzzing about and feeling sorry for.
I so desperately want to pass because I need to know that trying my hardest means that I'll get the results I want...that it wasn't all in vain.
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