starting over.

It's official, I've finally moved into my new place in San Francisco. It's a bit chaotic with boxes everywhere, and nothing seems to be in place yet, but it's beginning to finally feel like home. I was running errands in the City yesterday, and I found myself feeling so happy just driving around. It was a cool sunny day. I can't help but feel more at peace here.

What does suck? I enrolled for BarBri's Essay Advantage course just because I thought it would be a good idea to have someone read my essays, although my essays weren't the big problem on last July's test. My failing score pretty much came down to my low MBEs. Let's just say I was over 50% but under 60%. I need to be at 65%. So all summer long, when people were telling me that they were scoring 50% on practices and passed the real thing were either wrong as heck or the scale was much higher this past July.

So I enrolled in the essay course and BarBri, being the supporting, understanding company that they are, forced me to buy two books I already have. I spent $1500 on this course...$1500 I obviously don't have. When I called the office to see if I could just get a discount and not pick up those two books, of course, the answer was no. All I keep seeing when the credit card slides is DEBT DEBT DEBT flash across my eyes. Just when I think the hole can't get any deeper, I find myself totally wrong. It's neverending.

Jeff Adachi, who teaches the Essay Advantage course, said we need determination, motivation, drive, etc. He listed five things and said he hopes we have at least three of those five. Me? I have maybe 1/2 of one. Maybe. This is so much more difficult than the first time around. It's a battle with myself, trying to get myself motivated.

I keep giving myself other things to do that seem more important. They say your house reflects what you feel inside. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. I'm feeling chaotic and disorderly.