day by day

I think the waiting period after Round Deux is definitely more stressful than the few months after the July Bar. I try my hardest not to think of result day, but every so often, my mind wanders into the "what if" zone and I begin to panic a little. It's a good thing I have my wedding to keep my mind preoccupied. I went from all Bar, all day, to round the clock wedding planning. I must say, it's a nice change.

I'm leaving for Paris on Monday. Again, not as excited as I should be because of what lies ahead when I come home. It's terrible, this waiting. Thanks for all your kind comments, Round Deuxers! Really, it's helped me try to get over it.

There's a very large part of me that doesn't want to be a lawyer anymore. Then, there's the part of me that wants to be the lawyer that I always thought I'd become, the one that actually fights for people's rights and represents those who have been oppressed in one way or another. Of course, there's the part of me that would rather do cake tastings everyday for the rest of my life. :)

The best part of wedding planning in the city is meeting people that I would have never met otherwise. There are just some beautiful, kind-hearted people in the world that really make me have faith in others. I met with a potential wedding florist today, such a sweet woman. I told her how much I envy her. Florist gets to do exactly what she wants, when she wants, with no one else to account to except herself. She asked me what I did, and my answer was so brutally honest that I even surprised myself.

I told Florist I graduated law school, just re-took the Bar. I said that at one time in my life, I really wanted to become a lawyer, but today, I wish I had explored the other "would have," "could have," and "should haves." Florist gave me the saddest look and said, "I'm so sorry for you." I smiled and said, "That's life. Now I'm gonna stay in it until I can pay off the loans." And she said the darndest thing, "So you'll be working for the next 90 years?" Florist then quickly apologized. Ah I just chuckled, because it's so true.

Well, I'm trying my hardest to maintain an "attitude of gratitude." I'm going to try to regain my optimism throughout all this waiting and just take it day by day.