breakups and gratitude

Friendster is very addicitve. Try to deny it as much as you want, but you know you do it too. It starts with one person you're curious about - what does she do now, is she married, etc. Then it escalates into this never ending chain of searches. By the end of the session, you forget who you started the search with in the first place! Friendster also has this strange power to make me depressed. When I look up people, their pictures tell a story of such fun and amazing lives. It makes me somewhat envious and even a bit embarrassed.

If people I hadn't seen in years looked me up (which would never work b/c I'm not stupid enough to display myself on friendster, but am stupid enough to share my inner-most thoughts on a blog), what would they think? What do I have to show for after 4 years at Cal, 3 years at a crappy law school?

You are how you feel. Right now, I'm feeling pretty pathetic. I compare myself to people with a list of favorite books and movies, pictures that have been posted ever-so strategically, and a group of 100+ friends that I'll never have. I forget that everything that's on that webpage is just what that person wants the world to see. If I picked out every wonderful moment in my life, even I would think my life was pretty damn perfect.

Following Oprah's advice, I'm going to write down at least one moment in the day where I was the happiest or what I was most grateful for during the day. That way, I'll remember that the happy moments are the only ones that really matter. If I am how I feel, I will always be a genuinely grateful and happy person.

So here it goes. Today, my happy moment was at a dim sum restaurant in Oakland, when my brother told a long, winding, silly attorney joke at lunch with my mom, dad, sister, brother in law. At the end of the joke, he asked, "Do you get it?" And my dad, who was more into eating peking duck than his joke, responded, "No one gets it!" We all laughed...just because he wasn't even paying attention.

My grateful moment - making dinner and watching hours of TV with my mom and sister. I had forgotten how peaceful family can be in the midst of our family's WWIII.

So I may not have a job, I may need to lose weight, I may have mounds of debt, and I may not feel this way all the time, but I have a pretty dope-ass family.