My change, please.

May was an ugly month. It's started ugly with my total breakdown, and it ended on a sad note. My dear dog died. She became very sick all of a sudden, and in a matter of days, it went from bad to worse... So many, many things went wrong, her little body couldn't cope, and she had to be put down. I selfishly would rather have her next to me again.

This was no ordinary dog, you see. My dog was brilliant. Bite-sized, but packed a punch. I used to take her to class with me in undergrad. As we walked to school, she'd go chasing the pigeons, and jump in the air an in attempt to fly and catch one. By the time we made it to class, she would pass out under my seat or right next to me. She saved me during an overdose of an unnamed substance during my party hardy days. She preferred to sleep on her back, like we do. During the winter, she'd sleep on my neck and keep me warm. If I stayed up late to study for finals, she was there to keep me company. When I went swimming, she'd watch from the sidelines. When I played piano, she'd sit right under by my feet to listen. She grew up with me, present at every milestone in my life - graduations, passing the Bar, not passing the Bar, and even my wedding.

My dog was simply my best friend. The beauty about my dog is that she didn't care how many times I took the Bar, how long it took me to find a job, how much money I made or didn't make, or whether I wore the same clothes two days in a row. She was there, no matter what. I miss her so much that it hurts. :(

So I'd like to put May behind me. June has started out with yet another interview. I've had a good flow of interviews in the past month. Unfortunately, I haven't been offered the jobs. No, correction - the employers never got back to me regarding the positions, so I assumed I didn't get the job. I'm completely blown away by the lack of courtesy of these employers. I understand that for every one position, there are hundreds of applications and sometimes a dozen or more interviews. Still, to me, that doesn't justify not sending out a rejection letter or even an rejection email after an interview. I've even had some employers blatantly ignore my messages or emails after interviewing me.

I'm still learning not to expect anything. If I don't expect, there's no disappointment. Today, I interviewed with two women attorneys. I have to say, it may have been my most uncomfortable interview. They hardly cracked a smile. Even during the greeting and handshake - nothing. I realized I was selling myself to a tough crowd. It is what it is...no expectations.

So here I am...half way through the year. I'm really hoping June will be a month of change.