It's getting ugly.

Obama proposed to make it illegal for certain companies to refuse to hire the unemployed or to advertise positions that prevent the unemployed from applying.  When I first heard of this, I thought to myself that it would never hold up, but at least it would make a statement.  Several days ago, I came across this Wall Street Journal article written by Michael Saltsman.  Saltsman believes there just isn't enough evidence to conclude that the unemployed are victims of discrimination, and labeled it an "exaggerated problem."


At what point will there ever be enough evidence to prove that unemployed people are not getting hired?  Most companies are smart enough to avoid using discriminatory language on their job postings.  All of the decisions are made behind closed doors.  Then, are are companies that aren't too smart.  This was the very first job listing I found during today's job search:


THERE'S HOPE!

TRADE DEPOSITIONS, FILINGS AND ENDLESS MOTIONS FOR DEAL WORK!

Litigation associates (JD 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011) with stellar credentials from top law firms -- now you can change practice areas. 

Our client, a law firm in San Francisco with a sophisticated corporate practice, needs to immediately hire an associate to do corporate work

Highly competitive compensation that matches leading national firms; fyi, litigation candidates will be treated as 2010 or 2011 class year corporate associates for compensation purposes. 

Excellent work life balance and high quality and interesting working environment. Candidates must have a JD from a top 25 law school and be currently employed by a major law firm. California bar members is a plus, but is not required. 

IMPORTANT: Procedure for submitted resume: Cut and paste your resume into a body of an email and send it to the above email address. Put "SWITCH" in the subject line of the email. 

All submissions will be treated strictly confidentially. No resume will be submitted to our client without your express consent. Thank you.


Just because there isn't a great deal of physical proof does not mean that discrimination does not exist.  As an unemployed person who has yet to hold a permanent job since 2008, I hardly feel that this problem is being exaggerated by the senators who raised the issue.  


It's also quite disappointing that when certain class of people need legal protection, our system makes it difficult to let that happen.  But when people are being deprived of the protection of the law (i.e. post-9/11), our government hardly flinches when letting it all go.


Let my conclude by pointing out that Saltsman is employed as a research fellow at the Employment Policies Institute.  You gotta feel it to know it.

starting over

Here it goes.  The truth.

The funny thing about starting over is that it really shouldn't be that hard since I've already done whatever it is that I need to do again.  If it wasn't for my emotions, the idea of finding a job again wouldn't be so overwhelming.

2011 was looking good for me.  I had a great job, and I had just negotiated my contract rate to $75 an hour.  I was feeling good about where I was headed.  They say the best time to find a job is when you already have one, and I had one.  I was happy in my contract attorney position because I knew the firm valued me and my work, and I also knew that it wasn't where I wanted to be for too much longer.  I was honest with the firm - I was going to look for a permanent associate position elsewhere while continuing to do work full-time there.  The firm understood and we all agreed.

And then shit literally hit the fan.

Let me back up a little bit to explain a little bit about myself.  Anyone who has continuously read this blog since my 1L year back in 2004 knows that extraordinary shit seems to happen to me.  My friends who have known me for a long time will attest to this.  Things simply are harder for me.

When I was four years old, my mom used to make me walk around the back yard so she could correct my pigeon feet.  When I was six, my doctor suggested that I wear a patch to school over my right eye to strengthen my left eye muscle.  Do you know what happens when you send a kid to school with a patch over her eye?!  When I was nine, I fell off my bike, my face landed on the pavement, and I fell unconscious for a while.  I won't explain how many times I've been in an ambulance, or how many times I took the LSAT.  My point is, shit literally seems to happen to me every couple of years.

So, it goes without saying that the universe could not let me be satisfied for too long.  And that's exactly what happened this past May.  My world literally fell apart because my boss tried to have sex with me.

Without getting into the details of these past five months, I will say that in doing the right thing, I came out the biggest loser.  I lost my job, I lost my income, and I lost a little bit of me in the process.   I have certainly lost faith in law firms, and above all, for the time being, I have lost faith in men.

I have bad days and decent days.  I have days where I am so motivated to prove my old firm wrong, that I don't need them and that I can be successful regardless of the incident.  Then, I have days where I wallow and wonder "why me."

And then I have moments like right now...where I wonder how it is that I'm literally at the same place I was 3 years ago.

Wicked Wednesday

[From April 2010]

Sitting on the muni after a few drinks with my close friend/coworker who's having a weird, toxic flirtationship with my "boss."  Two married people, one with two babies, acting like they're in high school...This is the first time I've ever been faced with a situation that would make me lose faith in married people.

I think the key to a lasting relationship is communication and trust...and learning when not to communicate and not trust.

It's all a bit deep for after-drink blogging.  I guess the whole flirtationship is just another side effect of getting lost in the work world. Realistically, a person spends more time with their coworkers than their partner at home.   Work sucks and over time, no matter how much a person loves the job, it's still just a job. I can see a person getting bored, hoping to add some splash (= drama) to his/her life.

I'm glad I'm not at that point.

I ramble.

sign of the times

It's a new year, and I have avoided this blog as though it was the plague. At first, it was intentional. Months later, I lost track of time and well...you know how it goes.

In my mission to reinvent myself, I can proudly announce a few milestones. First, I've somehow maintained to work at the same firm for over a year. Although, it was and still is a contract position, the topic of being hired as a full-time associate has come up several times. This position has somehow given me opportunities I never thought was possible. Since I last posted, I've second-chaired a multi-million dollar case in federal court, advised corporate clients on their options after dysfunctional people took over, assisted in a complex case with all sorts of cross and co parties (imagine arrows flying everywhere on your civ pro Bar outline), and finally managed to build some confidence while doing it. I have a very "can-do" attitude now. I went from knowing nothing -- and I mean nothing -- about all of these areas of law to believing that everything can be learned. No one knows everything. Not even the judge.

Second, I have also lost 20 pounds. Twenty. I didn't realize how big I was until I started shrinking. I hate the word fat. It's an ugly word. Call it denial, but I still don't think I was fat. I was just bigger.

The work is not over. I'm still trying to lose 10 more of those l.b.ses and the new year has kicked me in the rear end. I need change once again. So I'm back at it , back to looking for a job and hopefully starting a real career. People keep telling me the market is better now, firms are hiring. It's good news all around. Somehow, the reality of what I'm seeing doesn't seem to agree. My big firm brother had the [fill in the blank] to tell me that times are good now, his Big Firm was hiring, proven by the 8 associates they hired. EIGHT. My partner told me the court had an opening for an admin spot. The court received 6,000 resumes...for one single admin position.

I'll finish by saying this: I realize I'm in a good position. I have work, I make money, and now I' able to look for a job without worrying about how to pay the bills. Don't get me wrong...I say a prayer every morning as I'm walking to work. I literally thank God for my job. I won't forget where I was a year ago and particularly May 2009.

If the market has improved, as people have been saying, then why are top law schools advising students on how to find contract positions? Exhibit 1: UC Hasting Post-Grad Hourly Legal Work. A sign of the times...

A Little Whine with My Esq.

You know what bothers me the most about myself? It's not the fact that I've become what I consider to be a heffer since my first year in law school. It's not even the fact that I haven't been able to gain a permanent associate position since passing the Bar in 2008. It's the way I freak out when my partner says anything to me.

It's ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. In my own defense, the first several times Big P approached me, it's resulted in quizzing me on my knowledge of the law, late night research assignments, and stress to carry over my weekend. So whenever Big P wanders over in my direction, my heart starts to freak out. I hold my breath - please, please, please don't ask me anything!

An example to illustrate what a freak I've become, Big P asks me what I was eating for lunch in the breakroom. I literally had to stare at my food for a good 3 seconds to think of the smartest way to answer him. I'm always walking on egg shells to make sure I don't trigger a research assignment. I said, "Sausage," like a caveman. One word. Simple. He asked about my caramalized onions, how I prepare the dish, etc. Normally, this conversation would not be stressful, but the fact that Big P was talking to me at all was a big deal.

It was like the time I ran into Gavin Newsome. Mr. O was shaking his hand, chatting. Me, I stood there, frozen and embarrassing. Mr. O gestures to me to shake the Man's hand (Man, instead of man because I have a secret crush on him). Instead of reaching out for his delicious hand, I stood there, speechless.

I frustrate myself. I don't know why I just can't relax! I have to remind myself to chillax. The good news, nothing to complain about from my lunch encounter with Big P. Surprisingly, nothing came out of our sausage convo. Score!

In the Interim

It's March and I'm still employed. I managed to get a raise in February, but I'm still a contract attorney. I enjoy my work, I'm constantly learning, and I'm enjoying the office environment for the most part. Still, I go home every night and wonder, this can't be it. Three years of law school and all the effort into findings job...there should be more. But there isn't.

As I've said before, this is definitely not who I am. The reinvention of Stella is still a work in progress. If I'm going to spend 5+ days a week doing something, it has to be something I really love.

I'm turning 30 this year. The big 3-0. I refuse to waste my 30s wishing I had done something about my restlessness. I've decided that while I work on finding my next calling, I'll keep doing this attorney bit "on the side." Which brings me to my next conclusion. No babies.

Almost all of our friends have popped out little ones. There are 3 more heading out this year. Mr. O asked me if I feel left out. My answer - hells no. Is it selfish of me to want to work on me? Screw that. Shriveling eggs or not, I'm still my first priority.

Getting Comfortable

Finally, it's Friday. I don't make much in my new contract position, but it sure beats those $14/ hr attorney positions I interviewed for last year. Would it be crazy to get comfortable here? Nothings permanent, I'm very replaceable, as the attorneys have shown me (that's another story). Maybe this is it? Maybe I don't need a full-time job at a perky firm. Maybe I was meant to bounce around so that I could try other things with my life.

Or maybe I'm lazy. Maybe I don't want to look anymore. Maybe I'm tired of being rejected and feeling incompetent.

Well, at least it's Friday. That's one thing I can always be comfortable with...the end of a work week.