annoyed

I'm really annoyed at the moment. I told my brother he should come home for President's Day weekend to spend time with my grandfather, since one never knows when life will come to an end. And tonight at dinner, my dad bragged about how good of a son my brother was for coming home while I was going to SF for that weekend... IT WAS MY IDEA DAMMIT! MY IDEA! I know I know, I sound like a 5 year old brat. But I don't care. This is the only place I can vent. Sometimes I'd rather shoot myself in the head than bundle up this type of hate inside me. I'm just SO damn sick of everyone putting my brother up on this freak pedestal! Dinner conversations have to be about him, lunch conversations have to be about him...BLAH BLAH BLAH! He has a perfect job, he's so smart b/c he's on law review BLAHHHHHHHHHHHH! And for the LAST time, HE DIDN'T WIN A WRITING COMPETITION! They hear what they want to hear.

Ugh fuck this. I'll always be in 2nd place in their eyes. But one day, I'm gonna beat him. I refuse to be in this position forever. REFUSE.