another week.

I'm back in Souther California. Darn. As expected, I had a crummy evening when I came back home. Tonight didn't get any better either. I'm sitting here, trying to finish my Opposition to Defendant's Motion to Supress Evidence, but my mind keeps fluttering to last nights events. It's rather silly, but it's just another reminder of "my place" in this family.

I don't know why, but I like to call my sister when I'm having a family. That naive part of me thinks she'll understand and be supportive since afterall, she is my sister. It never turns out that way. She criticizes me for "taking things too personally." Each time, I tell myself I won't call her anymore, but she can be a drug. Who else can I tell all the crazy family crap to? Telling friends is embaressing...no one likes displaying their disfunctional family. I can't understand why she won't just be a sister. I don't need a therapist, an advise nurse, or a counselor. I need a damn sister! She understands how crazy my dad can get and how kingly my brother thinks he is. All I ever want is for her to say, "Yup, that's crazy ol dad" or "Ray's such an asshole, don't even bother listening to him. You know what you're worth." But no. Instead, she yells at me for being too sensitive.

I always thought as I got older, the idea of family would come easier. In some cases, it's true. Alot of time though, as people get older, they stick to their ways. When people don't agree, it only gets worse as people's opinions stick.

My sister also told me today that I have a relationship problem because I can't seem to keep friends. I totally know it appears that way. I can truly understand why people think I have issues. But from my side, the people I've encountered create an unhealthiness in my life. Is it so wrong to not want that? I'm very much the type to get rid of that which destroys me. I resent the fact that she thinks I'm a weirdo.

I suppose only weirdos blog about their personal problems. As much as I want to say that I'm happy right now, I'm far from it. My only happy is my danny. Every other aspect of my life is going downhill.