funny.

It's funny how things can change so fast. Last week, Myra was a single woman. Now she's married, and it all changed in one day. Her wedding was nice, she looked gorgeous. Although, I was a bit sad that I didn't take a bigger role in her wedding. I got my hair done in the morning, and then my dad made a comment about why I'm getting all spruced up when I'm not in the wedding. I felt stupid. I was merely a guest. I guess I wanted to feel like I was more important in the wedding than I really was. I wish I could tell her how hurt I was, but at this point, there's really no reason for it.

It's certainly peaceful living away from home. A irritates me from time to time, but I'm sure the feelings mutual. I often wonder why I can't live with roommates well, not to imply that things aren't going well right now. I was just built to live on my own. I like privacy. What it really comes down to is control. I like everything a certain way. I like to know who's coming in and who's going out. Living with someone is a compromise, regardless of how well we may get along. So I'm learning to compromise and it's fun having someone to share things with.

The only thing that bothers me in my life would have to be my dad and the gender discrimination within my family. I am so absolutely sick of it, and the more I learn about it at school (I'm taking a gender law course), the more upset I become. I literally live the textbook cases. I've become extremely hostile towards the whole situation.

I asked in class how people should go about changing things...the stereotypes of society that create this inequality between genders, races, etc. This one girl raised her hand and said education. Now, being the pessimist that I am, I told her that education is all fine and dandy when you're creating a new society, but it just won't work in a world that has lived with certain ideas for centuries. She seemed upset, but it was the truth. I would really like to see her go educate my dad and brother. Let's see how far that gets.

There is only one thing in this world that I really want - respect. Everything else, I can do on my own. If I can't even get respect from my own family, how the hell can I expect it from the world, in the work place, at the mall. We're a society based on making judgments. While I understand that no one is perfect and everyone has the tendency to judge others, it really comes down to what we individually choose to do with our judgments. If we are aware and conscious of our potential mistakes, I think things would be so different.

I've become very jaded. The things I learned in my law classes this week were the same things I talked about in undergrad at Berkeley. In International Law, we covered the concerns of casualties of war...same bullshit from my international human rights class in undergrad. Same problems, same potential solutions that are never put into place. It's a big fat circle.

I think after my dad dies, I will finally get to live by my own rules. Unless by brother changes his ways, he'll be cut out forever from my life. My dad said last week how my brother will be the one to hold the family together...and my grandpa added how he sees my brother in politics. They're SO ignorant. First of all, I don't know a single family that's "held together" by a man. It's always the woman that pulls the strings from behind and fixes all the shit that a man manages to destroy. Now, I realize this may not be the case all of the time, but really, I haven't come across something different. Second, my brother will not go into politics. People in poltics have a certain charisma, which undoubted my family believes he has. I don't think people just "go into politics," they're destined for it. It sounds so very glamorous and medieval, but I honestly think even dear old Arnold didn't just fall into politics. He had obvious connections.

It just kills me how the men in my family believe my brother is destined for greatness simply because he has a dick. He would be just another girl otherwise. And while I try my hardest to cope with the bias, it's really difficult to realize that your family doesn't really care what happens to the girls in the house, unless they fuck up. With the women, if they succeed, it's nothing big. It's what should have happened. If the women fuck up, get loss along the way, it's the biggest disappointment.

It's funny how life is so damn rude.