dark and dreary days

Preparing for the Bar Exam really does horrible things to a person. I get upset over the smallest, insignificant occurrences. I'm always looking for a way out of studying. Yesterday, I had to get Drano because my tub water wasn't running down well. I ran to the store, then dedicated a whole hour to cleaning my bathroom.

I'm truly an unhappy person, but I figure everyone studying for the bar is unhappy. I literally look out the window in the library and watch my 85 degree summer days pass me by. Studying for the Bar must have been a whole lot more productive before the internet. No one spent a few minutes here and there...and here again blogging for no good reason other than to complain.

I have one month left. One month to somehow cram all the subjects into my head and hope to God nothing spills out before I get to the testing center. Nothing in my life has scared me as much as this test - nothing. I have never felt such a sense of doom as I do when I think of the consequences of failing. And nothing makes me more happier than the thought of passing,, not even my engagement or my upcoming wedding. Now I hate to admit this, but if you gave me a choice of either passing the Bar this year or getting married next year, I'd pick passing the Bar. But that's only because I know Danny would marry me the year after. =)

I would not wish this upon anyone. I would highly encourage people to seek another profession if they're not 100% sure they want to be an attorney in California. Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is worth all this suffering unless you're that sure this is what you want to do.

I can only hope that I pass on my first shot. But of course, I'm Stella...so nothings ever really that simple.