After my rant last night, I still couldn't fall asleep. 2:30am came and went by, and then I found myself having what I think was a panic attack in the middle of the night. I couldn't breathe, felt like I was sinking into the bed, then into the floor. My dreams were unsettling, made me just want to wake up.
I was angry about A again. Really angry. I still can't understand how she was my roommate for a year, how we survived the worst part of our lives together, and now she can't even bother to email me. I may not understand what's going on with her life, but it's sad that she's not letting me. I really thought she was going to be my law school friend forever. The more I thought of it, the more I just wanted to call her again. I woke up and decided I was going to make another "one last attempt" at fixing a relationship that broke without my knowledge...that is, until I read my daily horoscope:
You might feel like you can't come out a winner in a current relationship conflict. The truth is that neither of you will end up on top if you can't find common ground. Keep in mind that the outcome just isn't as important as either of you might think. Let go of your control and rest assured that the current turbulence will settle down on its own.
Maybe I shouldn't call her. It's just not my style to sit back, though. I told Myra that I think it's karma for all the "friends" I've ditched along the way. Maybe it is, in which case I need to take responsibility for my past.
*Sigh* I really need this week to turn out much more positive than the last couple months!
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