bound to happen

Well, it finally happened. The first major fight of the year broke out today. Why? My dad called me a loser because I only have one friend.

My brother gave me a lecture on how to clean the bathroom.

My mom hit me in the face a few times and told me to shut up about a thousand times because I wouldn't stop arguing with my dad. I told her I wasn't going to back down. I was going to speak with him, not argue. I wanted to talk like adults, but I now realize there's no such thing. I told her it wasn't in my nature to be a traditional korean lady and fold my hands nicely in my lap while people put me down. I was going to stick up for myself.

My dad pulled on my arm so hard that I swear, it felt like it was going dislocate.

What the fuck is Vanessa complaining about. Her fucken mom's a slut, so what. It could be a million times worse. You can seriously just have parents that seem normal on the outside, but are crazy in the house. At least her mom isn't living a lie to the rest of the world. God, she's always so damn depressed. ABOUT WHAT!? Because she doesn't have a dad!? Who cares? What if she had one like mine!? She'd shoot herself.

My sister doesn't ever want to hear any crap out of me anymore because she's frustrated. I don't blame her. If I won the lottery, I would move my ass to Hawaii and be happy.

I told danny today I wish my dad was dead. It was scary hearing it come out of my mouth, and it's scary seeing it in words. Sometimes, I don't think my dad's a bad person, I just think he's a good one. Trust me, there's a difference.

My throat hurts from screaming and crying. My eyes are swollen and my pathetic double eye lid what I had surgically done are puffing out.

When I was little, I used to hold my breath when I was sad. I thought if I could hold my breath long enough, I could die and wouldn't have to live in such sadness. Tonight, I caught myself doing the same thing. Except I'm 25. Twenty-freakin-five! I'm resorting to the same stupid tactics that don't work. I guess nothing's changed afterall. I'm still that sad little girl. I still have the same problems. All this time, I thought growing up meant we all grew up. Nope. Growing up just means facing the shit that you thought would get better, but never did.