Broken Mirror

A few weeks ago, my mirror had broke in my suitcase while on my way back from LA. It's my cosmetic mirror, and I haven't replaced it with a new one. My mom told me to stop using it, that it would bring me bad luck if I kept looking at my face in a cracked mirror. She warned me about the symbolism of a crack going down my face. I'm a believer too. I'm also lazy. I didn't buy a new mirror, and what do you know. Shit happens.

I won't even start to complain about my dad. I think he's received enough attention and time from me. I refuse to give him more space on this blog. What I will say though is the man is annoying, plain and simple. He is annoyance personified. I will also say that my bad luck hasn't stopped there. On Friday, I forgot to get my parking card validated at work and was forced to pay $12. This morning, I got a parking ticket at work. I begged the officer (not really a police officer, but a gaurd) to stop writing that citation. I told her how I was working for free, how I'm a poor student. She was a mean, mean woman! I've never met a woman so mean! I couldn't help but think, whoa, her life must suck more than mine for her to be so rude.

I can't help but think I'm being punished for my lack of faith. Well, not really lack of faith, but lack of picking a side and sticking with it. I was raised a Catholic. I believe in God, and 99.9% believe in Jesus Christ. But I believe in gay rights, same sex marriage, right to abortion, anti-Bush, pro-choice. I believe it's not a sin to have an abortion, but that it is a sin to judge those who do. There is only ONE BEING who can judge, and it ain't any one of us humans. Sure, we judge each other all the time, but in the end, we can't impose our beliefs on others.

Anyway, my point being, maybe all this crap is happening because I don't go to church, I don't pray on a daily basis, I don't read the Bible. I don't preach the good news. But I do believe. I believe that God is God, but why can't God be everyone's God? What if my god and your god are the same gods, and humans messed it up by dividing, like we always do? We're so good at creating differences, wanting to be better than others. What if religion is just another way of trying to prove who bought the faster car, nicer house, or whose kids are smarter.

I feel guilt. Maybe I'm not such a good person. Maybe that broken mirror showed who I really was when I looked into it.