sick of me

God, I'm so damn tired of everyone being...just so damn mean! I sound like 5 year old, but what the hell happened to the nice people!? I told my sister about my mom's potential tumor, and her reply is, she'd rather have me tell her when it's for certain that my mom has a tumor. FOR CERTAIN! She's SUCH a selfish bitch sometimes. Seriously. It's not fair to me that I have to bear the grunt of all this family crap every damn day. All I need is to talk to someone, who wouldn't judge me, who would understand. My sister refuses to be that person because her answer to everything is run away. She also told me I shouldn't have called her when my grandpa was on the floor of the restuarant. Would she rather have me call when it's for certain that he's dead!?

I'm home on a friday night, trying to get all my reading done, prepare for my case that was pushed to this upcoming monday from last monday, and attempt to send one resume out for a summer job. Simply stated - my life sucks. I still dispise H...with a passion. Myra is gone for a month and she still hasn't asked me to be a bridesmaid, which she probably won't do anyway.

My dad is a damn asshole as well. I'm so sick of him...everyday he manages to break my heart. Every damn day. I can't go one single day without wishing he was either dead or I was gone. For example, I went downnstairs right now to offer my parents trail mix. I get a bowl and put it on the coffee table. My dad's response is, "What are you doing here. Get out of here." I then proceeded to take the bowl back into the kitchen, and quietly walked upstairs. Why do I erven bother. I wish I could just stop caring like my Snow Queen sister.

I'm SO FED UP! Even Danny yelled at me last night. In all honesty, I did nothing wrong. Nothing. He was in this stink mood for some odd reason, and decided to get mad at something I asked him. A day later, he's still mad! I already told him I'm not saying sorry b/c I'm tired of having to apologize for shit I didn't do to people...namely, my dad.

I've entered this FUCK THE WORLD phase. Screw all of you. I'm reverting back to when I was 14/15 and ODed on Extra Stregnth Tylenol. This is exactly how I felt 10 years ago...nothing's changed. This family is still disfunctional. I'm still a sad little girl.

So what's the damn answer. How do I get myself out of this shit? HOW!?

I know I never talk about good things, but perhaps it's because there are very few good things to talk about. Last week, I did take my little cousins to Disneyland. They're such good girls. I love them alot. They're the little sister's I've always wanted, and everyday, I'm so proud of them. They grew up to be good people. That's probably because THEY HAVE NORMAL PARENTS! AND they don't have a brother that fucks up the mix.

Fuck all of you. I realize this sounds like crazy angry talk, but I'm sitting here, more calm than I was when I began this entry. I still say fuck all of you. I'm so tired of putting up with this shit. Everyone hurts my feelings. Maybe I shouldn't be so sensitive? NO! Maybe you shouldn't be so damn INSENSITIVE!

Sometimes I feel like I need to teach people a lesson. But then some rationality kicks in, and I say fuck no. My life is too freakin important to be used as a lesson. Go ruin your own lives. That will teach you a real lesson.