moments

I'm having an "i don't care" moment. I don't care about informal or formal rulemaking processes for agencies. I really don't care. I don't care about whether so-and-so had his due process rights violated. Sucks to be him. The only thing I keep thinking about while studying is what I'm going to do this summer. Summer, being two days from now. I have nothing planned...nothing. I wish I could do something meaningful. No more of this lame office crap. I truly did enjoy my past few positions, but I feel like I'm moving further and further away from the young Berkeley grad with aspiring dreams. I used to work strictly for non-profit organizations. My favorite position was with Amnesty International. I got to protest on the steps of the Supreme Court. What the hell happened to me. Now all I think about is money, buying a house, getting married, having kids. I'm so damn boring.

I watched The Interpreter today on HBO. I suppose that's the reason for this outburst. I used to be in Model United Nations when I was high school. When we were competing in New York, we got to go to the UN Building. I knew it was a big deal back then, but it's even a bigger deal to me now. I thought I could change the world, or at least a small piece of it. Now I can't even get a summer job. Changing the world seems a bit out of reach at the moment. I'm always wanting to be someone bigger than I am. "Just a job" won't cut it for me. I want the job. Something meaningful. Something that makes a difference.

So while I'm having my "I don't care" moment, I'm also having a "what the hell am I doing" moment. Admin law...it makes you think about everything else beside admin law. Studying how adminstrative agencies work really makes me not want to study how administrative agencies work.