Rollercoaster

So this is a new week, and I'm determined to make the best of it. I'm a fighter, dammit. I'm going to find a job if it kills me. Week 3 and things are kind of changing for the better. I'm slowly getting over this horrific sickness I have. I think it was allergy related, maybe a lung infection. Since I don't have medical insurance, I'll never know at this point. But the best part is I'm finally getting somewhere with the job search. An attorney in the OC is willing to hire me to work from home to do research and draft court documents for her. What could be better than working from home!? I could stay my slothful-self and still get paid to do work. I also got another email today from a SF office saying someone should be calling me to arrange in interview. Heck, that's better than nothing. I've officially become a beggar...and as they say, beggars can't be choosers.

I also went to the gym yesterday. It was the first time in quite a long time. Even though I was sick and my lungs were a bit sore, I did my workout and it felt good to get off my butt. Everyone's been mocking me and it feels like no one has faith in me. Stella just sits on her ass all day and does nothing. I think that's what pisses me off the most. I got in another argument with my mom over the weekend. I kept telling her to get off my back because I'm truly trying the best I can. At the rate I'm sending out resume, I'm very close to becoming a resume whore. Even A calls me a bum, jokingly, I'm sure. Funny how jokes seems to reveal a person's true feelings though...

So I'm working on it people. I've been working on it. I think it's harder for people to believe how hard I'm working when they can't see me doing it. At this point, it's not about me to work, it's about proving people wrong. They tell me it's too late to find a summer position. Fooey, I say. My mom wants me to volunteer, do anything, she begs. No thanks. I've come to a point where I value sanity and relaxation over another job that looks like the 5 other positions on my resume. My brother claims, it's your livelihood, do anything! Screw you!

What has this ordeal shown me? That people can lose faith in you real fast. I haven't yet lost hope. It's strange, but I think I've been in shittier positions. Still, it's very disappointing to see that my family has given up on me. They'll claim, no no, they haven't given up, they just want me to stop wasting my time. I ask, where have I wasted time, and what is wasting time, really? If I'm relaxing, enjoying my day, is that really a waste?

I have 3 goals for my summer:
1. Find a job.
2. Fit into this fabulous dress I have for Myra's wedding.
3. Throw the best baby shower for my friend.

It's been a rollercoaster for 3 weeks. I'm ready to get off.