Still On.

I'm still on this rollercoster but it's getting easier for me to handle it. I was right about having to go back to Southern California. I'm going back this wednesday, unfortunately, but for interviews. I decided on top of my work from home projects, I could use a real job, in an office, 5 days a week, 9 to 5. Now this doesn't mean I want a real job. I'd just really like to get all those people off my back. You know who you are. You people that have been calling me a bum, a lazy, a sloth, couch potato, etc. It's like they wanted to see me fail just so it would be a validation of their claims.

I'm not too excited to be going back, but I do miss my dog. The little bugger makes me happy (See <---). When I told my mom I was coming home, she seemed genuinely happy, but then added, "Oh your brother is coming home from LA soon too. He's comes home on the weekends, you know." Great. As if I didn't already know that information, but what the heck does it have to do with me coming from from the Bay Area after one month? Just because it involves the same phrase of "coming home" doesn't necessarily mean it's appropriate! For instance, Myra text messaged me (because it's too hard to call or even email for people in this quick-info world) that her dog died on Friday due to a heart attack. Poor Myra. It reminded me of when I had to put my little poodle pie down. What if I had called her back and said, "Oh yeah? The territost leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi also died last week." That would be a what-the-hell moment.

No matter how I try to get away from it, I'll always be the daughter. I say that as if its a curse...sometimes it is. Truth be told, I'll never matter as much as my sister, the first child. I'll never matter as much as my brother, the only boy. What I am is the accident, the child that was a possible abortion. I'm sure there have been times when my parents thought to themselves that they should have just gone through with it. I guess that's the stinker - the fact that they can think of that. Get over it? Yes, I know this. I'll get over it when they bring my brother down from the pedistal.

This past weekend, Danny and I attended a wedding for one of his old friends who he really doesn't talk to anymore. My point - why the hell do people invite guests that they don't really talk to anymore to their wedding? For the extra money or gifts? That's shady, folks. Lesson #2 - don't use gold fish as a centerpiece. It's not attractive, even if they're still alive. It's even less attractive when they're dead.

I have a lot to say about a lot of things... So for now, I'm still on. This summer hasn't really been a summer. It's been more like the longest job search of my life!